Marriage (Part I)
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and
after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
“I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what
time I want-and I don’t expect any hassle from you. I expect
a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I
won’t be home for dinner. I’ll
go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want
with my old buddies and don’t you give me a hard time about
it. Those are my rules. Any comments?”
His new bride said, “No, that’s fine with me. Just
understand that there will be sex here at seven o’clock
every night… whether you’re here or not.”
(DARN SHE’S GOOD!)
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Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of
their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, “When you die, I’m getting you a
headstone that reads, “Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.’
“Yeah?” she replies. “When you die, I’m getting you
headstone that reads, “Here Lies My Husband–Stiff At
Last.’”
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
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Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight
at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says,
“And you are no good in bed either,” and storms out of the
house.
After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides
to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone
after many rings, and the irritated husband says, “what took
you so long to answer the
phone?”
She says, “I was in bed.”
“In bed this early, doing what?”
“Getting a second opinion!”
(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
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Marriage (Part IV)
A man has! six children and is very proud of his
achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts
calling his wife,” Mother of Six” in spite of her
objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that
it! Time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is
ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice,
“Shall we go home ‘Mother of six?”
His wife, irritated by her husband’s lack of
discretion shouts right back, “Anytime you’re ready, Father
of Four.”
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly
the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to
wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE),
he wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5:00 AM.”
He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning
the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had
missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife
hadn’t wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the
bed. The paper said, “It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.”
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is
always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN
YOUTHINK CAN HANDLE IT
