I have internal locus of control because I believe that I am the only one who can determine the course of my life, and my morals tell me that I should always take responsibility for any mistakes I’ve made. Because I go through life without any expectations of good things to come, I consider myself a “realistic optimist”. For instance I can’t really say that I’m going to get a good grade for a good grade for this project because for all I know, I might have misunderstood the questions and answered it all wrong. But what’s important is that I put a lot of effort into it and did my best. Like most people, I hate losing or failing in any task I undertake, but I always get up and do better in next time (after allowing myself to wallow in sadness for around ten minutes or so).
A couple of days ago, I ended up crying because I got a D in a paper I wrote for my Social Theory class. Not because I’m one of those people who never get Ds in their life (although it is my first D for a paper that isn’t written in Filipino), but because I have been trying really hard to be one of those people who never get Ds in their lives. My very low grade upset me a lot because I have been doing really well in that class up until that paper. I spent some time in the pocket garden muttering to my friend about how I’ll never study again, but after a while I realized that was a very stupid thing to do. Once I finally got over the initial shock, I talked to my professor and apparently, he gave me a D because I used the wrong theory in answering the guide questions. I’m still upset over the grade, of course, but the experience taught me to study the subject matter thoroughly before writing my next paper. I intend on doing this for the next paper I have to submit a couple of days from now.
I also took taekwondo a year and a half ago and I wasn’t really very good at it. I kept getting my ass kicked at sparring and I’d always leave the gym with an awful looking bruise or a sore foot. Because every defeat made me feel like a failure and a wuss, I considered quitting the sport. But after thinking it over, it struck me that I wouldn’t be happy with myself until I win against those who defeated me before. I took additional training for a couple of months and I eventually placed fourth in the last tournament I joined (December of last year). My victory encouraged me to do even better in the next tournament I plan to compete in.
